Off The Beaten Path...

 



Silhouettes courtesy of 2FriendsStuff on Etsy

 

This post is a little more personal but I'd like to share it with you readers in case you can relate, and I'm sure some of you will :)

Yesterday was a typical Sunday at my house. You see I have three kids and the oldest is three! 3, almost 2, and almost 1 (two boys and a baby girl). Now it's fair to say that on any day there is a good amount of refereeing that I have to do. There are terrible twos and threes, for that matter, to deal with, arguing, fighting etc.

Recently I've realized that in my role as mom/referee, I often end up yelling (gasp). And not only do I not like it, the kids don't like it and it isn't effective. So I've been on a  mission to find out what

form of discipline works without me coming unglued.

I come from a background of " Spare the rod, spoil the child", and while I was spanked all of three times growing up, I still challenge this method. If I don't want my kids to yell or hit, shouldn't I lead by example? What I do is more effective than what I say, right?

I focused on my own behavior one day after some incident in which my three yr. old was misbehaving (likely a tantrum), I said," You have to behave", to which he replied," You have to behave Mama," and he was RIGHT! So I sat my eldest down and we had a chat. I said,"Listen, you're right. Mommy has to behave and you have to behave. We don't yell at each other. So you can hold me accountable when Mommy is yelling and say "Mama you're yelling" and I'll do the same for you." So he nodded his head in agreement and I don't think for a second that any of it was over his head.

Kids are very smart. And while all kids are different I think some things can generally apply. They seem to be more receptive to calmness. And consistent correction combined with calmness is my goal. I am certainly a "work in progress" but I know it is do-able.

My new approach to correction is this: 1) I count to three to give them a chance to listen or correct their behavior. 2) If they continue, we have quiet time. I shut down the TV, and all toys and gadgets are off limits for a set time. Typically 5-10 minutes depending on the offense. I let them know that I will restore whatever in said time frame. During the 5-10 minutes we discuss the behavior. I tell them why it's quiet time, and what is and is not acceptable. And I give them 2-3 examples of how to handle it differently next time. I specifically use the word "options", and I end with stating whatever the misbehavior was as NOT being an option. At which point quiet time is most likely over. I say," I love you", ask for a kiss and send them on their way. *Note: 2) is for joint offenses. They tend to work in teams. (LOL) For individual offenses they get a personal timeout, sit in a specific spot and then we discuss options etc. as previously described.

And I guess that is really what it's all about, options! We all have them and we all try to choose the best ones. Only time will tell how effective this approach is but if it doesn't work, there are always other options that are Off The BEATEN Path.

 

 

 

 

References:

There is a great blog called "Intentionally Katie". She's totally relatable and I identified with her myself. Check out her articles if you're interested. Specifically "I'm Done Yelling. Seriously".

 

As for the silhouettes of my three gifts pictured above, they were done by two great ladies named Lisa and Jennifer, on Etsy. They're very enthusiastic and a joy to work with. Silhouettes are handcut, not digital images like most. Visit their shop 2FriendsStuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contents: Discipline, Children, Custom Silhouettes, Blog, Etsy